2009 July 06 « The World of Pirate Penpen

TGIF…. even though its Monday for most of you folks. I think I’m going to spend at least a few hours by the pool in a faux Happy Hour. I know one of the days I’m going to waste throwing myself an awesome pity party with food and booze – lookin’ forward to it. I’m currently unsure how I will PAY for said party, but damn it. I NEED IT.

Fourth of July was kinda what took me over the edge. I know everyone was broke this year- but besides a quick “what are you doing for the 4th?” from my sister, NO ONE invited me over, to hang out, watch movies, watch paint dry. I did have a beer with my bestfriend John when I went over to the old house (lease is not up until July). He helps make my days so much better.

I quickly noticed when I got home that night that I have been repressing some major issues that I need to work out somehow and I’m really not sure how to accomplish it.

My self esteem/self worth is practically non-existent. I guess I must be a really good actress.
I still have alot of issues with my mom – past, present, future?
I hate where my life is right now. The economy sucks and there is no opportunity for people like me to use my degree or even search for a better paying job that makes me feel like I have self worth in the community. I’m sorry, but answering emails all day is hardly soul-fulfilling.
I wish I could go to school again. I hate being stagnant and I love to learn but being as I’m poor and already have college loans coming out my ass, its not going to happen.
I’m poor and work for crap wages. ‘Nuff said.

I think what really brought the house down was all the rediculous things happening in my life – from my sister-in-law being falsely arrested t0 our car’s radiator hose blowing off while driving to work on the 4th of July… all within a month. Seriously?

On the positive side:

I have decided that David Beckham is some fine man-meat. He has made my very small list of uber sexy men. 1 of 4:

Orlando Bloom