TGIF…. even though its Monday for most of you folks. I think I’m going to spend at least a few hours by the pool in a faux Happy Hour. I know one of the days I’m going to waste throwing myself an awesome pity party with food and booze – lookin’ forward to it. I’m currently unsure how I will PAY for said party, but damn it. I NEED IT.
Fourth of July was kinda what took me over the edge. I know everyone was broke this year- but besides a quick “what are you doing for the 4th?” from my sister, NO ONE invited me over, to hang out, watch movies, watch paint dry. I did have a beer with my bestfriend John when I went over to the old house (lease is not up until July). He helps make my days so much better.
I quickly noticed when I got home that night that I have been repressing some major issues that I need to work out somehow and I’m really not sure how to accomplish it.
- My self esteem/self worth is practically non-existent. I guess I must be a really good actress.
- I still have alot of issues with my mom – past, present, future?
- I hate where my life is right now. The economy sucks and there is no opportunity for people like me to use my degree or even search for a better paying job that makes me feel like I have self worth in the community. I’m sorry, but answering emails all day is hardly soul-fulfilling.
- I wish I could go to school again. I hate being stagnant and I love to learn but being as I’m poor and already have college loans coming out my ass, its not going to happen.
- I’m poor and work for crap wages. ‘Nuff said.
I think what really brought the house down was all the rediculous things happening in my life – from my sister-in-law being falsely arrested t0 our car’s radiator hose blowing off while driving to work on the 4th of July… all within a month. Seriously?
On the positive side:
I have decided that David Beckham is some fine man-meat. He has made my very small list of uber sexy men. 1 of 4:
Adrien Brody (don’t ask- he just is)
and David Beckham. Yum.
So sue me. I become a 14 year old girl sometimes.